I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
