Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
