People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
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Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
there is puke in my bra ... again
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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