like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
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I fill condoms, not promises.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize