I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
