It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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