WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
