Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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