Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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