would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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