So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Even my vagina gasped.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
