I wish I could punch you in the face.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
