please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
