You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
