I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
