So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
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I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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