the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
