its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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