I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
