I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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