I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize