there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I will pee on everything he values.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
