remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize