and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
