I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
