i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
