I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize