sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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