There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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