All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
