He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Randomize