I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
