You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
