You really coming over, don't trick.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
