this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
