I cockslap morals
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
