chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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