My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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