I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
