i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you win again, gameday.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
