You really coming over, don't trick.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
