I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm too high and old for this...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
