Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
