After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
