Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
