Ambien. No doubt about it.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
