chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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