I think my vagina is haunted
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
