I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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