FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
