Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
