We won't sleep together?
I got chris browned last night
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
