He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
