I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
