those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
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