So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
