Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
