I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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