Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
