So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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