So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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