I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
