i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
