She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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