You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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