woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize