it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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