Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
