She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
