did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
