no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
