I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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