i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
