Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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