I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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