According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize