i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?