i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.