I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.