my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
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I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
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I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me