Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
