It was like getting head from an anaconda
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
